Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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