My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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