wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
