I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
