I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize