I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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