It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
