I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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