He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
