Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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