I think im going to throw up on grandma
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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