you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
