i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
