you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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