I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Two words: blizzard sex
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
