On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
