Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
