TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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