Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize