can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
