the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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