Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize