is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
