I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
