EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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