That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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