Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize