Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
