All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
