the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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