So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
