he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
