Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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