About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
