WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
