1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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