the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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