He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
