a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ttyl tear gas
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
