I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need to calm my uterus...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize