i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
