..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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