: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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