oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
