in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
