Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
