I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
