2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize