Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
