You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
