The maid of honor just puked.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
