im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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