hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
