Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
