Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
