When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
