It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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