I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
