I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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