Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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