Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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