He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
