i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Its about making memories worth repressing
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
