My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
