I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
