Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
