Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
