I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
