Buhtt sex?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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