If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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