they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
