did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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