the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
