You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
