woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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