My friends, they love my intelligence
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize