Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
