Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
