The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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