I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
