Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
