I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have post one night stand depression
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