i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
