I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
