Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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