Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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