My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
