Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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