didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
