So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
