Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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