Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
