she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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