Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
