Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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