no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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