I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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